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Proverbs For Monsters by Michael A. Arnzen

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Winner of the 2007 Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in a Collection.


You Can Catch A Good Human With A Bad Hamburger 

Proverbs For Monsters is an omnibus of the best writing to date by one of the most offbeat and humorous writers working in the horror genre today, Michael A. Arnzen. Hand picked by the author, these are the stories, "flash fictions," and poems most cherished by readers, most enjoyed at live performances, most celebrated by editiors of year's best collections, and most recommended for literary awards from across his career. 

An Infant Vampire Bites Hardest 

In Proverbs For Monsters you'll get advice for growing your own man-eating plant. You'll ride the movies of Exorcystland -- the scariest amusement park ever created. You'll attend a bizarre grade school for assassins. You'll meet a dentist with a very disturbing collection of baby teeth. You'll encounter strange children -- from the boy who carries his heart in a metal case attached to his chest to the girl who is completely encased in the carapace of her own giant scab. You'll ride a diseased elephant and witness the death of the last vampire and learn more than ever wanted to know about a perpetual embalming machine. You'll wince and laugh and wince again. 

Fortune Favors the Cleaver 

Whether or not you have read Michael Arnzen before or are already a fan of his gleefully twisted imagination, you're in for a very dark treat with this generous collection of thirty stories and thirty poems, many of them impossible-to-find or never seen before. Proverbs For Monsters offers the most delightful and disturbing retrospective of this acclaimed author's career.




Deluxe Lettered Hardcover: lettered A-Z, 6''x9'', bound in leather, signature page which is signed by both author and artist, front cover stamped and spine stamped with the title and the author's name, includes artsy end papers , colored book ribbon with nice full colored header, 60lb. natural vellum stock, a beautiful slipcase and dust jacket.   

100 Signed and Limited Hardcovers: numbered 1-100, 6''x9'', bound in leatherette,
signed by the author, stamped on the spine with the title and author's name, includes 80lb. natural vellum end papers, colored book ribbon, multi-colored header, 60lb. natural vellum stock, and has a beautiful dust jacket.


Trade Paperback: 6 x 9, 12 point full color cover, 60lb. natural vellum stock.

Bram Stoker Award for Superior Achievement in Fiction Collection
Signed by:
Michael Arnzen
Cover and interior art:
Matthew P. Schuster
Story count:
Poem count:
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